I Am This

Apr. 11th, 2011 10:15 pm
jooles34: (ConnorCrying)
Title: I Am This
Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Connor
Words: 648
Rating,Warnings:
PG, Not Denial friendly
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: None
AN:  This was written as an exercise in writing from the first person at a suggestion from [livejournal.com profile] x_bellaitalia_x who gave me the prompt Connor and "walking a fine line" (which I barely adhered to, sorry). Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] lukadreaming for a lovely, patient beta. I of course then fiddled, so all remaining mistakes totally my own doing.


 

I worry sometimes about this job; about me and this job. )

I worry sometimes about this job; about me and this job. I should have been a lackey somewhere, a techy lackey in a lab somewhere.  I’d start as someone’s research assistant, helping them, letting them take all the credit. Maybe I’d move on to work with someone big and famous with any luck.  I’d do all their hard graft but maybe get to see the world as they speak at conferences, delivering papers I wrote.  I’d hang on their coat tails and meet all the people I’ve grown up admiring. 

I’d be surrounded by the dead; fossils and bones and theories. But it would be okay. Maybe we’d make new discoveries; maybe my name would be a footnote in a paper someday. Maybe one day I’d finally break out, get my own research assistant, make my own discoveries, publish my own papers and be respected in my own right. 

But probably not. No one ever listens to my theories. 

Even Cutter laughed at me. Well, to start with anyway. 

Then…well, then all this happened. And I started to think it was coming true. I was Nick Cutter's assistant. Well, never in so many words and Stephen was always his lab assistant by name. But Cutter talked to me, trusted me. He shared his theories with me and let me go on and develop them. I would have let him take the credit in a heartbeat. But Nick would never have done that. He was never that man. He always gave credit where it was due, and sometimes it was due to me and it was amazing. 

Maybe that’s why I would have let him take it, just knowing he never would.

And the things I’m dealing with are very alive; too alive sometimes. And the only dead I am surround by are the ghosts of Nick and Stephen. They haunt the corridors, they haunt the labs and they haunt me.

I miss Stephen, I do, but the hole Nick left is so much harder to fill. He’s gone, but he left the work to me. He trusted me with the artefact and to carry on his work. Overnight I’ve gone from not-really-research-assistant to very-really-lead-scientist.

I’ve never been so scared. 

I know I spend too much time in the lab now. Abby tries to make me leave, so do Jenny and Sarah. Even Lester has been down and tried to make me move. He shouts health and safety regulations at me until I leave. But I think he knows I come straight back in. And his heart’s never in his little rants any more. 

Everything I am is focused now on this artefact. I need to understand it, I need to make it work, I need to unlock its secrets. Nick knew it was important, so important he gave…he gave his life to protect it and I can’t let him down. It’s not a job any more. Why am I even pretending? It stopped just being a job a long time ago. 

It’s consumed me. Sometimes I don’t know where I end and the work begins; it’s such a fine line. Sometimes I don’t think there is a difference. I am the work, the work is me. I wouldn’t be anything now if I didn’t have this. If I didn’t have this job, this responsibility, I would be nothing. Just Connor the tech lackey. And without me? Without me this project would be nothing. I can solve it. I will be the one to solve it. I will be the one who unlocks this. 

I will solve the mystery of the anomalies because no one else can. No one has my mind, no one has the information Nick and I shared together. 

No one. 

It is all down to me. There is no difference, there is no line; one does not end and the other begin. 

I am this.

jooles34: (BeckerSerious)
Title: Caught Between Spaces
Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Becker
Words: 100
Rating,Warnings:
PG - angsty
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: For end season 3, start season 4
AN: For [livejournal.com profile] primeval100 prompt 'sleep'.


There is that moment, that one perfect, beautiful moment, when your mind is trapped between sleep and waking. Your body is heavy in slumber, yet light; free from the stresses that tighten the muscles across your shoulders and up your neck.

Your mind floats free, the lingering traces of your last forgotten dream drifting away like the last remnants of fine music through the ether. You are at peace, content, happy.

Then subconscious gives way to consciousness and reality forces its way into your mind, brutalising your thoughts.

And they are still missing. Still dead. And it’s still your fault.

jooles34: (Lester)
Another four drabbles for [livejournal.com profile] primeval100 's 200 challenge to take me up to a round 30.

For all:
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 100
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.

Drabbles be here... )
jooles34: (BeckerOOOO)
Another eight drabbles for [info]primeval100's 200 challenge.

As this week's challange was past prompts and I am a late comer to the comm, I put all the pormpts I hadn't done into a list, re-ordered them, gave them a number and am inviting people to choose a number and they get a drabble. here are my first eight...

Feel free to pic a number between 1 and 176 for more. If the number's already gone, I'll go for the next highest.

For all:
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 100
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.

Drabbles yonder... )
jooles34: (DinoHome)
So, [info]primeval100 is 200 prompts young. Congrats to all and huge thanks to the mods for the work you do.

As this week's challange was past prompts and I am a late comer to the comm, I put all the pormpts I hadn't done into a list, re-ordered them, gave them a number and am inviting people to choose a number and they get a drabble. here are my first eight...

Thanks to everyone who has comented already at Denial. Feel free to pic a number between 1 and 176 for more. If the number's already gone, I'll go for the next highest.

For all:
Fandom: Primeval
Words: 100
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.

Drabbles here... )

 

jooles34: (ConnorLesterSide)

Title: Getting Lost
Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Connor/Lester
Words: 300
Rating,Warnings:
PG  - bit fluffy.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: None
AN:  [info]emyrldlady asked me a question last night that I had oddly enough been thinking about that day (dull tech meeting...mind wandered) so I've written this for her.

 

Lester lay with Connor slotted neatly in his arms )

 


Irrational

Feb. 2nd, 2011 06:55 pm
jooles34: (BeckerNo)
Title: Irrational
Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Becker
Words: 100
Rating/warnings:
PG.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: For the bit between seasons 3 and 4
AN
: Written for 
[info]primeval100 challenge "Phobia".


When the panic attacks had started he’d decided to avoid the ARC doctors, seeking out his own; keeping it private. She told him it was a phobia; something that develops over time, exacerbated by stress and caused by a trigger in the past.

He had snorted at that. Not so much the past as a future so far ahead they couldn’t even name it.

She also told him that it was treatable, they could make the crippling anxiety go away by addressing the fear.

But phobias were irrational by definition, and Becker’s depilating fear of failure was all too rational.


He Is

Jan. 27th, 2011 11:34 am
jooles34: (Lester)
Title: He Is
Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Sir James Lester, Connor, Abby, Becker
Words: 100 x 3
Rating/warnings:
PG.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: Only if you squint. No specifics
AN
: Written for 
[info]primeval100 challenge "James Lester".
AN2:  As a follow up to yesterday’s I Am here are some more James centric drabbles from the POV of some of the team. It's entirely possibly I love Lester too much.



Drabbles here: )

I Am

Jan. 26th, 2011 01:47 pm
jooles34: (Lester)
Title: I Am
Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Sir James Lester
Words: 100
Rating/warnings:
PG.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: None
AN
: Written for 
[info]primeval100 challenge "James Lester".

I am a suit.

I am a cold man in a lofty office.

I am maker of unpleasant decisions.

I am redeemed.

I am Dad

I am “you bastard, I’m leaving”

I am Sir; by title, position, decree.

I am Lester to most; through fear more than respect, and no regard for the person behind the name.

I am James to some, but precious few.

I am lonely.

I am scared. Scared of losing more good people, of losing more friends. I am scared of letting people close in a world with no certainty of tomorrow.

But.

I am here.


jooles34: (EliotBringIt)
Title: A Very Distinct Pain
Fandom: Leverage
Characters: Eliot. Mentions of the team
Words: 1,198
Rating/Warnings:
15 - Descriptions of violence, injury, pain and references to torture.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Leverage.
Spoilers: None
AN: This was written for
[livejournal.com profile] smallfandomfest prompt Eliot: A very distinct pain.  Thanks so much to [livejournal.com profile] luvinthe88and20 who came in at the last minute and not only beta'd but made this so much more than it was. 
AN 2: First time writing for Leverage. Am quite scared.



 

I’ve been in more hand to hand fights than I can count. )

 

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