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Making Choices
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack/Ianto, mentions of team and Rhys
Words: 1,003
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Torchwood.
Spoilers: This is set right at the end of Meat and contains spoilers for the ep.
AN: This is my Christmas fic for chamilet
Ianto stood silently as Jack strode past him, turned on the CCTV screen and sat back in his chair. He raised his eyes to see Tosh and Owen looking over at him expectantly. Owen motioned towards the door with his head and raised his eyebrows in question. Ianto glanced behind him quickly then back to his colleagues and gave a brief nod.
Tosh and Owen stood and quickly and quietly collected their belongings before heading out of the door. The sound of the cog door seemed to stir Jack, and Ianto watched out of the corner of his eye as the other man pushed himself out of his chair and strode over to the hatch leading to his bunker, quickly descending the ladder.
Ianto waited until the Hub’s door was completely shut and gave his whiskey a final stir in its glass, pausing to watch the legs of the fine drink slowly make their way down the glass, before draining it in one long swallow. It burnt pleasantly as it ran down his throat before causing a heady warming sensation in his stomach.
He took a steadying breath before crossing the room, placing his glass on a coaster on the desk and heading down the small hatch.
Jack was lying on his back on the bunk, his arms folded across his chest. He made no sign of recognition as Ianto climbed down and crossed to the bed. Ianto sat down, his back to Jack and leant forward to untie his shoes. Loosened, he sat up again and toed them both off before bringing his legs up onto the bed, and twisting so that he too was lying flat on his back.
He lay next to Jack, one arm raised, pillowing his head; the other by his side, between them on the bed. His shoulder touched against Jack’s and for a moment he thought the other man was going to pull away. He didn’t, but Ianto could feel the tension radiating through that one small point of contact.
“Things won’t change you know. Not really.” he said after a moment, addressing the ceiling.
“I don’t know what you mean.” replied Jack brusquely, also looking straight up at the roof.
“Yes you do. You and Gwen have this special relationship. The whole time Rhys didn’t know about Torchwood, didn’t know about you, you and Gwen had a special, secret connection. Something that just you shared. No-one else in her world knew about you; it was something that could exist just between you. So it didn’t matter how you felt about each other, no-one would ever know and neither of you had to feel guilty.”
Ianto felt Jack stiffen next to him and take a sharp inhale of breath.
“It’s okay Jack. I know you love her and I know she loves you. And that won’t change. Even now Rhys knows, I can promise you that won’t change.”
He heard Jack swallow. “Doesn’t it bother you?”
“Why should it? You had the choice and you’re here with me.”
“Actually you’re here with me. I live here remember? You’re the one that chose to stay.”
“Jack, if you really wanted to you, would have gone after her; made her change her mind. You know she would for you eventually. But you didn’t. You chose to let her go; let her go to Rhys and let them share their memories. Let him share in her life, share in you. You chose that.”
They drifted into silence again and Jack let one hand fall onto the bed between them, the touch at the shoulder now running the length of one arm. Jack brushed his knuckles against the back of Ianto’s hand.
“You had a gun pointed at you today.” Jack said very matter of factly.
“I noticed.”
“Weren’t you scared?”
“Of course I was Jack. I had a gun pointed at me and the trigger pulled. But it’s over now. Another day will be seen.”
“It scared me.”
Ianto moved one socked foot to rub gently over the top of Jack’s.
“Now you know how I feel every time you run headlong into danger without a second thought. How I felt today when that creature was so close to killing you.”
“But Ianto, I come back.”
“It doesn’t matter. It still hurts. But that’s okay. It’s that fear that makes us know we’re alive; that we’re really living.”
“Today was too close. For everyone.”
Ianto tried to repress a sigh. “You can’t think like that Jack. The rest of us don’t. We’re all here because we choose to be. I am here because I choose to be. I know the risks and I choose to take them.”
Jack’s foot pressed up against Ianto’s in recognition of the double meaning of his words and the silence stretched on a fraction too long.
Ianto broke it before unease became discomfort.
“Though maybe we shouldn’t have rescued you so quickly. ‘Squashed by space whale’ would have been a good addition to your death record.”
Jack turned his head slightly to look at Ianto and he replied by tilting is head so Jack could see his face. Ianto’s expression was as neutral as ever, but the smile was there in his eyes. He was pleased to see a small grin tug at the corner of Jack’s mouth.
Jack turned to face the ceiling again and took another deep breath. Ianto watched him silently as Jack used the breath to try to exhale the tension out of his body.
“You really don’t think things will change?”
“No Jack. I really don’t.”
“And you wouldn’t prefer it if they did?”
“If things are meant to change they’ll do so in their own time.”
Ianto eased his leg a little closer until they touched from thigh to toe and his ankle hooked over Jack’s. He felt Jack’s arm move slightly and suddenly Jack’s hand was in his, fingers linking between his fingers and curling tightly, possessively around his hand.
And Ianto knew the choice had been made.