Pretending

[jooles34]

Title: Pretending
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Tosh...or is it Ianto/Tosh...
Words: 1,866
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Torchwood.
Spoilers: This is set the day after "Greeks Bearing Gifts" and is spoilery for that.
AN: This is my Christmas fic pressie for alt_universe_me who wanted Tosh and Ianto going out somewhere together, friends or more and not too fluffy! God, I hope this is okay for you! Happy Christmas m' dear.

 

Tosh had made it through the day, though god knows how, and in her desperation to escape was, for once, leaving on time. She tidied her workstation, grabbed her coat and bag, muttered a quick goodnight to no-one and scuttled towards the cog door. She kept moving; into the lift, pressing the button, doors closing, lift rising. It was only then that she started to relax. Just a little. A deep breath and then doors opening, just one corridor left to negotiate. One corridor and…

“Evening Tosh.”

Tosh jerked her head up.

“Oh, hi Ianto.” She tried to hide her surprise at being spoken to in such a civil way. He was standing behind the counter, his coat on and smelling good, like he had just put aftershave on. She noticed the door to the tourist office had the open side displayed to them so he must also be planning to leave on time.

She gave him a smile, the first she had worn all day. Fitting that it went to the first person to look her in the eyes all day.

“You look nice. Are you going out?” she asked.

“Yes. I’m going out for dinner.” he replied.

Tosh knew she shouldn’t pry, but even she could feel starved of human interaction. She wanted to keep talking for just a little bit longer.

“That’s nice, who you going with?”

“You.”

Before Tosh could react Ianto had swept from behind the counter and hooked her arm through his, and pulled her towards the door. She stumbled a little, her shorter legs having to work quicker than his long ones, but she quickly realised he wasn’t going to be taking no for an answer. She realised even quicker that she didn’t want to say no.

Instead a giggle fell from her as she was swung out of the tourist office door and into the cool night air. She couldn’t quite believe it came from her. Not after the last few days. This was just so unexpected, so un…Ianto.

She skipped a bit again to keep up with him as he led her to the underground car park and helped her into his car. A true gentleman, she thought. He pulled out of the garage and into the flow of traffic heading into the city.

“Where are we going?” she asked. The silence had been comfortable, but she’d rather had enough of silence today. Funny really, only two days ago she’d been desperate for silence; to not hear the voices in her head.

“Nice little Italian I know.” Ianto stole a glance across at her. “Neither of us are having pizza though.” he said, a mixture of severity and humour in his voice. 

She smiled. “You’re on. Thank you.” she added and looked away, back out of the opposite window. Ianto was gracious enough not to reply.

The journey wasn’t quick with the evening traffic, but they passed it easily enough with mild talk of work and discussions about the songs on the radio. And it wasn’t too long before Ianto was parking the car again and opening her door for her to step out.

She smiled and took his offered arm as they walked the short distance to the small restaurant he had chosen in companionable silence once more.

Ianto was greeted warmly by the restaurant owner as if they knew each other well and they were swiftly shown to their table. A menu was immediately in her hands and a bottle of Barolo appeared at their table. The waiter turned to her, offering the wine. With a smile she nodded and watched the rich red liquid as it filled first her glass and then Ianto’s.

She smiled at him. “You don’t know what I’m eating. How do you know I want red wine?”

“Because it’s the best wine they serve here, you wouldn’t want any other. If you can afford it why not have the best? And you deserve it.”

Tosh’s smile faltered. She didn’t really know how to reply, so instead she buried her head in her menu to take her out of the conversation.

The conversation stilted slightly then. They passed their orders to the waiter, main courses only; breads, oils and a plate of cured meats had appeared at their table unbidden; and Tosh felt at a loss of things to talk about. Ianto didn’t seem to mind, content to look out of the restaurant window at the people as they passed and to eat the breads and meats.

Their main courses appeared shortly and Tosh was grateful of the distraction once again, the silence starting to feel uncomfortable. Ianto smiled at her again as her meal was placed in front of her. She smiled politely back and hoped the food would be worth the discomfort. 

She twirled her fork in her tagliatelle, bracing it against a spoon and spearing some of the fish at the same time. After the first bite melted in her mouth, she decided that, yes, this was worth any amount of silence. Then Ianto spoke.  

“Owen is a bastard.” 

Tosh looked up in surprise, her eyes wide at the unexpected statement. 

“Owen is a blind bastard who can’t see a good thing when it’s staring him in the face.” Ianto clarified cutting into his steak with a flourish.

Tosh blushed and looked back to her food, pushing another forkful into her mouth.

“He’s not the only one who’s blind in that place. Most of them can’t see what’s right in front of them.” Ianto continued.

“You mean me too I suppose. Not noticing what was going on with Lisa.” Tosh hazarded a response.

“Yes. But I mean me too. I was so wrapped up in myself I missed what was happening with you these last few days. And I’m sorry for that.”

Tosh looked up at him again. “I’m sorry too.”

“You needn’t be. I did it on purpose. I did hide myself.” 

“You seem so different. Here and now, you seem…different. Confident, self assured. Talkative. You’re normally so quiet and sort of...”

“Hidden?” he asked with a trace of a grin

She smiled back. “Yeah.”

“I needed to not be noticed. The easiest way to do that was to make myself indispensable but invisible. It doesn’t take long before people stop noticing you’re there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I planned it remember? And after….everything, with everyone being so angry it seemed easier to keep it going; keep in the background.”

“So how come you’re being so open with me now?” Tosh’s brow winkled as she quizzed him.

“You’ve been inside my head. You already know now.”

Tosh blushed and hung her head, the reminder of her last couple of days’ intrusion on other people’s lives unwelcome. She stammered to get her answer out.

“No I didn’t, I only…” she paused, realising he didn’t need to know. “I only wore the pendant sometimes. I didn’t hear anything you said.” Her voice took on a quieter tone suddenly.

Ianto looked startled for a second, before composing his face again. He’d only heard that tone once before from Tosh and that was…Oh. Dear.

He took a deep breath.

“It’s better. Most days it’s better, but some days are worse.” He shrugged and sipped his wine. “Today is better.”

Tosh smiled sadly. “I guess I’ll find out soon enough won’t I?”

Ianto gave her a sympathetic smile. “Yeah. S’pose you will. It leaves a hole, a big hole, but Torchwood is pretty all consuming. Most of the time there isn’t room for anything else. And I’m sure something will fill that gap for me soon.”

He gave a small knowing smile that Tosh didn’t understand but decided not to question. There were other things she needed to know.

“You don’t mind that I know? Everyone else hates me.”

“I don’t. You’re…different to the others. And they don’t hate you Tosh, they…well, you surprised them. And you caught them out. They didn’t think anyone knew their little secret. So now they know people will judge them and they have to start judging themselves; they have to face up to feeling guilty for hurting people.”

Tosh’s lip curled into a grimace. “Ugh. We’re back to Owen again aren’t we?”

Ianto laughed. “Yes, we’re back to Owen. But let’s forget him tonight. We’ll forget everyone tonight. Let’s talk about you. You’re quiet too, keep yourself to yourself. But these last few days there’s been a brightness about you. What ever Mary was doing, it certainly suited you.”

Tosh smiled sadly. “That’s more of an act to me. I’m not great with people. I have to work hard at it. It felt nice though.”

“Then let’s swap. For tonight. I’ll stop pretending and be myself, and you start pretending. Be the Tosh that you want to be, that you deserve to be. Let me see some more of her.”

“Really?” And Ianto was rewarded with that shy smile again. “Okay. Let’s. It will be nice not to be myself for a little while.”

“And you never know, if you keep pretending for long enough, maybe it will start to come true. You’ll become the person you’re pretending to be.”

“No.” said Tosh firmly. “No, don’t say that.”

It was Ianto’s turn to look surprised.

“Don’t you keep pretending so long that that is who you’ll turn into. Don’t let Torchwood stop you being you. I’ve only seen this person for a little while and I prefer him already. Don’t let them take it from you.”

Ianto looked at the serious expression on Tosh’s face and nodded, his eyes mirroring the sincerity in hers. Then he picked up his wine glass and raised it to her; smiling she copied him.

“Here’s to us,” he said, “lovers, survivors and being who we want to be-ers!”

Tosh smiled with him as they clinked their glasses before sipping at their drinks.

“So…” said Ianto, a glimpse of mischief in his eyes. “The ladies of Cardiff have to look out for you now too as well as the men eh?”

Tosh played along, flicking her hair behind her shoulder in a showy motion.

“Oh yes, just call me Don Juan Toshiko.”

Ianto snorted inelegantly into his wine causing a fresh peel of giggles from Tosh. The rest of the meal continued in a similar vein, them both finding an easy companionship in the other; one that let them both relax and talk. They teased each other and shared secrets and stories. Tosh started to feel that she was seeing the real Ianto and he started to see how much Toshiko could be. 

As the waiter cleared their plates Ianto smiled at Tosh and an impetuous thought came to him. He leant over the table a little, a conspiratorial look on his face.

 “Might I suggest that we go back to mine for coffee? I can guarantee that it will be much better than what they serve here.” His smile broadened and his eyes flashed; a startling blue as the candlelight caught them. He brushed her hand on the table top. “I think we can find something better for dessert there too.”

Tosh smiled at him. A real smile.

“Sounds perfect.”