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jooles34Fandom: Primeval
Characters: Lester/Becker/Connor
Words: 2,605 this chapter, approx 40,000 for the series.
Rating, Warnings: 18. The whole series is about a Dom/switch/sub relationship and contains various BDSM themes.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Primeval.
Spoilers: None. Not set in any specific season.
AN: Huge thanks to the lovely
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lukadreaming for a great beta and to lsellersfic for my fabulous artwork. AN2: Chapter one here. Previous chapter here
“I’m sorry,” Connor said when Lester was finished, “really I am, but it doesn’t excuse keeping it from me.”
“It was all so long ago, Conn. We were both different people.”
“That doesn’t matter. You kept it from me, you weren’t honest. I need to trust you completely.” He looked at Lester. “I wore your collar. I gave myself completely to you and I did it because I trusted you. I would have done anything for you and I let you do anything to me. And all because I trusted you.
“And you,” he turned to Becker, “you came into our lives, into our home and we welcomed you. I gave you everything I had, including James. I let you own me every bit as much as he did, but now I’ve found out that he was never mine to share with you. You already had that and it was me who came between you. I feel betrayed, used and stupid.”
“No, no, no.” Becker and Lester both leant forward to protest, but Becker let Lester continue.
“It was never like that. No one has used you and you have no reason to feel stupid. And no one has come between anyone else. What happened…”
Lester was interrupted by alarms sounding through the building.
“Better late than never,” Connor muttered under his breath as Lester swore. Connor leapt to his feet as was running for the door in a second, grateful for the distraction.
Becker immediately reverted to work mode, leaping up, back straight. “He’ll want to go to the anomaly site. I’ll go with him.”
“Fine,” muttered Lester and he too rose, so they could follow Connor back to the main control room.
Connor was already sitting at the ADD, tapping at the keyboard, taking in the information that played across all the screens at once. He had that look on his face that he always wore when a new anomaly was detected; the one that held a mixture of excitement and trepidation, and firm concentration. He called over his shoulder at the sound of their approaching footsteps.
“It’s local. Only two miles from here. It’s on an industrial estate; looks like it’s inside a warehouse. It’ll take the others longer to get there from home so we should go now.”
“It’s as if that whole conversation didn’t happen,” Becker muttered to Lester.
“That is for the best at this time,” replied Lester. “He’s right, we have work to do.” In a louder voice he said, “Becker, get some men together; Connor fetch your equipment. The three of us will take one vehicle. Becker, your men will follow in a second. Connor, advise the rest of the team to meet us at the anomaly site. Looks like I’m in charge of this mission for the time being.”
“Yes, sir,” Becker said smoothly and headed towards the garages, already talking on his radio.
Connor’s fingers moved skilfully over the keyboard, passing on the required message to the rest of the team. Then he stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and his box of equipment and headed in the same direction as Becker without even a backwards glance at Lester. Lester frowned and followed.
The silent tension in the car was only interrupted by the beeps that issued from the hand-held detector that Connor carried and frequently consulted. It was a quick journey that felt like it had lasted forever.
When they arrived at the industrial site, Connor pin-pointed the warehouse they were aiming for and they drove straight to it. Connor had the back door open before the SUV had even come to a complete standstill and was heading briskly towards the warehouse door with his equipment before the other two were out of the car.
“Connor! Wait!” Becker shouted, dashing to the back of the vehicle to collect his weapons.
“Connor, don’t go in there without backup!” Lester yelled after him.
“You can’t tell me what to do any more, remember?” Connor called back over his shoulder, not stopping.
“I can when you are being reckless and putting your life in danger!” Lester shouted back, running after Connor.
But Connor was already inside the warehouse, heading for the anomaly which hung in the air at the far end of a long corridor between storage shelves. Lester hurried after him, catching up with him a few feet from the anomaly. He put his hand out to grab him when they both heard a low growl come from behind them. Connor and Lester both froze momentarily before peering slowly over their shoulders. A sabre-toothed tiger stood between them and the door they had entered through, appearing in one of the gaps in the shelving. It let out another growl and started towards them.
Connor grabbed Lester’s arm and turned to run. They were surrounded by shelves and crates, sandwiched between the creature and the anomaly.
“Come on,” he shouted at Lester and pulled him the last few feet and through the anomaly. They blinked momentarily in the bright sunshine they had suddenly found themselves in. Connor glanced around and saw a crag in some rocks to their left. He pulled Lester towards it. “In!” he shouted, giving Lester another shove.
Lester dropped to the ground and rolled into the narrow gap, hoping he wouldn’t encounter anything in there. Connor followed him a second later. Lester pushed himself back as far as he could to make room for him, but it still meant that Connor was pressed against him in the small space.
The sabre-tooth roared outside and a set of claws swiped savagely into the entrance. Connor pushed himself tighter against Lester, the sharp claws barely missing him. After another swipe the claws were replaced by a snout, snorting and sniffing.
“It knows it has us cornered. It will wait us out,” Connor said.
“Becker will be here any moment.”
“No he won’t. The other men won’t let him through the anomaly until they are properly prepared. They won’t let him risk himself.”
“The Becker I knew, I let him go a long time ago.”
Lester felt Connor stiffen against him as he abruptly changed the subject. It was a cruel tack to try, but he had to take advantage of his captive audience.
“It was a shock when he was transferred to the ARC. I only agreed to it because his recommendations were so high. I had you by then and I wasn’t looking for anyone else, I swear to you, Connor.”
“We shouldn’t be talking about this right now. We have other priorities. Big cat with bigger teeth outside, remember? Although strictly speaking it’s not a cat at all it’s a…”
“Enough. In this game Connor, if we put our lives on hold every time a prehistoric beast decided one of us, most usually you, looked tasty, we would never get anything done. I didn’t think about the past, the now was too important.”
Connor snorted.
“You don’t believe me?”
“I can’t believe you’re talking like this.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make you believe me and come home with us. It’s all true, Connor. We work so well together, the three of us. I want us to put the past behind us and move on. Don’t make me choose between you, Connor. I couldn’t.”
Whatever reply Connor would have given was cut off by a series of shouts, accompanied by gun fire. With an aggravated roar the sabre-tooth was gone and a set of knees, followed by Becker’s face, appeared at the gap in the rock. An arm stretched in towards them.
“Come on!” Becker shouted.
Connor reached out and grabbed the offered hand. He was pulled out of the narrow gap and one of Becker’s men helped him to his feet. Becker was still on the ground and reaching back into the crack, trying to pull Lester free. A few seconds later he too was out and Becker was standing, wrapping an arm around both of them. He had a hand full of Lester’s suit jacket in one hand, and Connor’s more casual one in the other as he dragged them back towards the anomaly.
Connor heard more gunfire behind him as he was pushed through into the warehouse. He immediately spotted that the soldiers had set up the anomaly sealer and shrugged Becker off. He ran for the controls and watched as four more soldiers fled from the anomaly, only half noticing Becker and Lester dashing to join him.
The last of the special forces men crossed the invisible line made by the locking equipment and a shout of “clear!” echoed through the warehouse. Connor slammed his hand down on the button and sealed the anomaly.
Immediately strong hands were on his shoulders, spinning him around to face an angry and concerned-looking Becker. The soldier used his hands and eyes to check Connor over for injuries, ignoring the other man’s protests.
Satisfied he took a step back and let out a deep breath. “I thought I’d lost you both, you pair of idiots.”
Lester gave him a speculative look, and Becker hastily added “sir” to the end of his sentence.
Whether it was the adrenaline of the moment, the contrite look on Becker’s face, or sheer emotional fatigue that made him do it, Connor wasn’t sure, but he found himself looking between them and giving a weary smile. “Can we go home now?”
Lester looked at him for a beat and then turned to one of Becker’s men.
“Keep this place contained. Danny and the rest of the team will be here shortly; they will deal with the anomaly from here.”
He faced Connor again. “Are you really ready to go?”
Connor nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” He took a deep breath and walked past them, heading for the SUV, Becker and Lester following behind.
Connor climbed into the back seat, while Becker slid behind the wheel and Lester took the front passenger seat again. As the car pulled away Lester glanced at Becker and inclined his head towards Connor.
“He’s actually quite competent when it comes to this escaping from dinosaur business.”
Connor was staring out of the car window, mind desperately trying to process all he had heard and all he was feeling and he answered automatically. “That wasn’t a dinosaur; it was a Smilodon. Mammal from the Pleistocene epoch; at least 60 million years after the last dinosaur.”
Connor continued to give them a complete rundown on the creature, aware that he was starting to babble but unwilling to stop himself. He didn’t want to discuss it all any more at the moment and was buying himself time to think.
As much as he’d been hurt by them he’d had yet another reminder that life was short and precious and, especially in their line of work, there was no telling what was around the corner. He reckoned if you had a shot at happiness and love then you should take it. He could tell they were genuinely sorry and although he had no idea how long it would take him to move completely past their betrayal, or even if he could, he was willing to try. Connor saw Becker and Lester exchange a small smile as he chattered inanely away about feeding habits and felt a small pang of guilt. He had a feeling it was going to be harder than any of them realised.
Lester woke, not sure what it was that had roused him. He slid carefully out of bed and padded as quietly as possible to the bedroom door so as not to disturb Becker. When he stepped into the hallway he saw a soft light coming from the lounge and he headed towards it. He saw Connor curled up on the sofa, a glass of milk in his hands.
“Are you all right?”
“Can’t sleep. I don’t belong in that room.”
“No, you don’t. You belong in the main bedroom with us.”
“But I don’t, do I? Not any more.”
“Connor, your place will always be here, here with us. We were wrong, very, very wrong. And I would do anything to go back and change the way we acted, but that isn’t possible. I wish that it were. I don’t know any more ways to say that I’m sorry, that we are sorry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before? When you knew he was starting at the ARC why didn’t you mention it? And how come neither of you said anything when he joined us?”
“Becker and I had already agreed that we would never mention it to anyone when he started; we had no intention of starting anything up again. And when he arrived things were still new and tentative between us and I didn’t want to scare you from the outset by telling you that I’d had a relationship seven years ago with the head of security. And we agreed on our first night that after all that time there would be no benefit in telling you.”
“And what about when we started talking about him joining us? Did it just slip your mind? Or with all those things we talked about, fantasised about together, you weren’t fantasising, you were remembering.”
“Connor, it wasn’t like that then with him. What we had, that was new to me. You know I had played with people before, but no one had ever trusted me enough to let me collar them.”
“And that’s exactly it, James. That is how much I trusted you. And it was all a lie!”
“It was not a lie, Connor. I have never lied about how much I loved you. How much I still love you. When it was just us I didn’t want anything else, anyone else. Playing with other people was one thing, but it never occurred to me to share our lives with anyone else. I didn’t need anyone else; I had you. But the collar isn’t everything. Of course I am sad that things have come to this point, and I blame myself entirely. But if you never wear my collar again, I can live with that. As long as I have you, Connor. I need you in my life. I need you and Becker.”
“I want to be here. I want to be here with both of you. But it can’t be like it was before. The trust…it’s… I can’t give myself to you like I did before.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Connor. Just tell me that you will be with me, stay with me, stay with us. Let us show you how much we love you.”
Silence hung heavily between them.
“I did miss you,” Connor finally said.
Lester pulled the younger man into his arms and held him tightly. “I am so sorry, Conn,” he mumbled into his hair. “Please come home.”
“Let’s just start with tonight and see what happens,” Connor said into Lester’s chest.
Becker stirred. He had woken when Lester had got up, but when he hadn’t returned to bed immediately he guessed that he was with Connor and left them to it. But now he was waking again and it was a couple of hours later. He got up and wandered into the lounge. Stopping at the doorway, he saw Connor and Lester asleep, curled up together on the sofa. He gave a small smile and headed back to the bedroom. He found a blanket in one of the wardrobes and went back to the lounge and draped it gently over the pair of them before going back to bed.
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 01:09 pm (UTC)Also... so *that's* what Lester wanted to talk to Becker about in chapter two as soon as Connor was out of the room! I'd always wondered why we never actually got to hear that conversation, because I'd kind of assumed it was going to be about the nature and rules of the relationship, and therefore seemed like something we *ought* to have heard, but now I see why you went all fade to black on us with it!
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 07:08 pm (UTC)Yes, that is why I didn't show conversations between the two of them and kept evilly fading to black; I'm so chuffed that you remembered and linked it.
I'm really pleased you liked this chapter, thank you.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 07:40 pm (UTC)Re this chapter, I can totally understand why Lester and Becker decided to keep it from him, not because they *wanted* to lie to Connor, but simply because they didn't want to dredge up the past and to make Connor feel like Becker might be taking his place in the relationship. But at the same time I can totally understand exactly why Connor feels so hurt and betrayed. There's no real 'right' or 'wrong' here, just three people who haven't handled a situation very well. Glad you dealt with it in a realistic way, with a tentative reconciliation, rather than just immediately forgiving and forgetting.
Like I said before - the hot porn is great, but I *love* the relationship stuff even more :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 08:31 pm (UTC)I remember at the time you mentioning looking forward to Lester and Becker's conversation and I am glad I managed to distract you, but that you still remembered.
And I love this comment. So often there isn't a right or wrong, but just bad things that happen. And it was really important to me, especially in this kind of relationship, to show that forgivness and rebuilding of trust takes time and I'm really glad it works for you this way.
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Date: 2011-07-31 01:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 03:28 pm (UTC)Hope the boys can make up now.
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Date: 2011-07-31 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 07:12 pm (UTC)Thank you so much, really pleased you liked this chappy.
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Date: 2011-07-31 06:52 pm (UTC)Also, I have totally realised things now! Like, when we didn't get to witness Lester and Becker's conversation early in the story, it was because this is what they were talking about. And when Becker was thinking about how there had been one person who made him happy, it was Lester, wasn't it? (awww) Your continuity is awesome. :)
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Date: 2011-07-31 07:05 pm (UTC)Yey! Am utterly thrilled you remembered these! Yes, that is why I hid all the conversations between Becker and Lester and Lester is who Becker was thinking of as the one person who had made him happy.
I'm really pleased you liked this chapter and feel it's right that Connor doesn't forgive them straight away.
Thank you so much for your comments.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 08:59 pm (UTC)And as the others have said, the internal continuity in the series is brilliant.
I am sooooo loving this.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 09:29 pm (UTC)I have to say it was a lot of fun dropping things throughout this that wouldn't have any pertinant meaning to anyone until this point and it's wonderful seeing people picking up on them now.
Thank you again.
no subject
Date: 2011-07-31 11:47 pm (UTC)I can see both sides here, but I think I'm slightly on Connor's for this one. They should have told him. You can't ever keep something like that a secret forever. It was bound to happen. And like I said before, you can't break trust with your sub. Poor guys though, all around. :-(
This is great, as always. And so totally brilliant. I'm glad Connor wasn't ready to jump back in the sac all quick like nothing ever happened. It's much more realistic that way. :-)
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Date: 2011-08-02 04:46 pm (UTC)I realise it was mean, but of all the things I could have done in a story the worst was break the trust between the sub and his Doms and I'm really pleased that this aspect works for you as part of a (admittedly mean) story. And also that you agree that this couldn't be fixed easilly. I really hope you like where this finishes up...
thank you again
no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 03:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 04:49 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for such an awesome compliment. I'm really pleased that you think this is realistic; totally chuffed to bits. Thank you.
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Date: 2011-08-01 08:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-02 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-07 03:23 pm (UTC)great chapter