Ramblings on achievement and success

[jooles34]

 

This comes from a conversation started on Twitter. Just thought I’d get my thoughts down and impose them on the world. (It’s quite rambly and poorly written and done in about five minutes. Sorry world.)

Long story short I was brought up by my family and my school to believe that achievement only comes through success and that happiness only comes through achievement. Success was defined as being at the top of whatever career I chose to go into and that I had to choose to go into some very academic or high profile career. Being the best was the only option. Top of the class, best University, go into law, blah blah blah.

It was a bit of an arse for everyone than when I flunked my A-levels, got into a Uni that was so bad they were actually prepared to take me (you know the Groucho Marx quote “I don’t want to be a member of any club that is willing to take me”? Yeah, apply that.) and decided (oh the horror) to study media.

However, I actually enjoyed my uni, got a lot of support and encouragement and discovered something I was reasonably good at. So I got a good degree and wandered off into the big bad world.

I eventually got a job as international marketing co-ordinator for a growing pharmaceutical company.  I’d hit the big time baby, oh yeah.

But I was miserable. Really, really soul destroyingly miserable. My success was obvious and I worked long hours to prove it. But dear god I was miserable.

So I left. I went back to uni and I did my Masters. I held down two part time jobs while I did it and barely scraped a passing grade in the end cos I was shattered. But I don’t care. I got it. And I was happy doing it.

At this point we have to ignore my failed attempts to get into the film industry (though I had a lot of fun trying; film sets are fun places.) I did seven years in the ambulance service after that. Enjoyed it thoroughly, but always knew it was never the career for me, but I stayed because…let me hear you say it? Yes, I was happy. Not successful, but happy.

Once I stopped being happy I moved on, got the job I have now. I enjoy my job and plan to do this kind of work for many years to come. And I know that I could keep working my way up, but I also know I will only go so far.

I have friends who are managers of their own departments. They rake in money, they live in big houses, they take expensive holidays. And they are tired all the time. They are stressed all the time. I know full well that I am intelligent and capable enough of doing their sort of jobs, but I (after years of therapy and untold arguments with myself) realised I actually don’t want to.

Yes, achieving that level of seniority would be a great achievement; it would make me very successful by the standards of others. But it would not make me happy. This is a decision I have made myself and, while other’s view it as a failure, I think it is one of the most successful decisions I have ever made.

There is only one person in my life that I have to please. Only one person who I have to be able to look at and say “I am successful, I have achieved” to and that is me.

My life is hard, many people know this, but, I am happy. (depression related shite does not count, it’s a bastard illness and isn’t included).

I actually (for the first time ever) kinda like myself. I have friends who love me and who I love. That is a huge achievement and makes me one great big damn success.

 

Comments

[chamilet]

Amen! It's a lucky person who enjoys what they do to support themselves!

[angelkitty101.livejournal.com]

Gosh! Are you secretly me? My father and my school had very similar expectations of greatness! When I got my results, my father was totally shocked, he was also horrified that I'd given up on doing law.

I was very lucky, he convieniently broke his ankle and ended up in hospital, which meant I could take over the study and get on with phoning unis and getting the one I wanted, and the course I wanted.

I never did get the law course or the career Father wanted, sadly, I didn't get to finish my masters either (could not get a job at all). I am now an administrator, not a solicitor, and I'm actually happy.

I'm not what Dad wanted, but I'm what I wanted, which is the important thing, and Mumsie has supported me no matter what!

[i-bananas.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine having parents that forced that view on me, really makes me realise how lucky I was. My parents never placed any expectation on me for Uni or a career, they've just let me get on with it.
My A-level results weren't great so I went out and got a job, I'm still working for the same company (ignoring buy-outs, mergers etc) and have worked my way from Junior Admin Assistant (can you be any lower?) to Project Manager.
I'm not completely enjoying my job at the moment, but that's more to do with the current organisation of the company than the job itself. However, it is allowing me to do lots of fun things and possibly I'll find something different - I've always thought I'd change career in my 30s, I just need to work out what else I want to do.

*reads back through comment* Um, oops? I appear to have rambled...

[thrace-adams.livejournal.com]

*slow clap* I'm so glad to hear someone say something like this today. Good for you!

[moonlitcactus.livejournal.com]

We kinda like you too :)

I just posted a big rambly comment and then deleted it, because it's too hard to get the right things across in writing. But basically I think one of the best achievements of my life has been in turning myself into someone I like :)