Ramblings on life a year on and how the worst things are actually the best

[jooles34]

 

So…it’s roughly a year since my ex left me. To be honest I don’t remember the exact date, I kinda make a point of not remembering, but I know it was the end of November and a week before Collectormania which is next week, so it was around about now. (Yes, I realise it makes it sound like my priorities are wrong, but truly I make a point of not remembering the dates of bad things.)

I didn’t know most of you back then, but safe to say I was a bit of a mess. I was even more of a mess three months later to find out that she was moving in with one of my best mates after they had got together two weeks after she finished with me. Classy eh?

Anyway, it was tough. It has undoubtedly been the worst year of my life - not just for that, shit thing after shit thing has happened – but despite that I swear her leaving was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It took a while to realise, but it’s true.

I wanted to be with her so badly, more than she ever wanted to be with me. And although I was blind to that for four years I see it with total clarity now. I can’t say with all honesty that there isn’t a part of me that isn’t badly broken still; the idea of being in love now seems totally alien and I don’t know when I’ll ever get that back. But I’ve also realised that doesn’t matter at the moment. I have something else.

When we split up my friends were amazing, utterly and totally amazing, and again when I found about the new girlf. And it made me realise just how damn much I was loved and how surrounded by fantastic people I was. It’s sad that it takes something like that happening to make you fully appreciate it, but damn, appreciate it I now do. And that is a good thing; a very good thing.

Also without her leaving me I never would have decided to make a random and slightly insane overnight coach trip to Glasgow to see a little band called Blue Gillespie on the basis that some people I didn’t even know where planning a meet up and I wanted to meet some new people. And from that one day a whole multitude of wonderful things have happened (my happy life in fandom has been happily discussed in this post.)

When she left one of the things she said was that I wasn’t fun to be around. I think I would now like to officially refute this, because despite the shit, I’ve had the best fucking year. I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see, loved people I never would have known if I'd… no, hold on... Sorry, that's the 'Lion King'. But the point still stands.  (*confuses geek quotes horribly*)

And, you know what?  I really wouldn't change that for the world.

 

Comments

[angelkitty101.livejournal.com]

You know I think you're awesome! And I love spending time with you! And you are excellent fun! So there!

I am sorry for the shite that happened, but I am very very pleased that there was an incredibly positive outcome, and you are amazing!

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

Thank you hon. I do feel really very positive and so happy with all my friends *smooch*

[emyrldlady.livejournal.com]

sap, but y'kno stuff

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

Oh shut up. You love me.

[shamazipan.livejournal.com]

*squishes* You're awesome!

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *squishes* If this hadn't happened I wouldn't have met you and I'm ever so pleased I did.

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and glad you can see the good things

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* thank you. I am feeling very positive and it's a nice place to be.

[moonlitcactus.livejournal.com]

That line about 'Being here, I've seen things I never dreamed I'd see, loved people I never would have known, if I'd just stayed where I was' sums up my whole fandom experience perfectly.

Long may the Gillespian (and wider fandom) love continue!

Leanne x (who is in Leeds non-gig recovery mode atm.)

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

It really does capture it so well doesn't it? *hugs*

[ravenja1170.livejournal.com]

I don't know you that long, but still *hugs* Splitting up is always painful, but you made it through it, and that's what counts! :)

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

*hugs* thanks. Yeah, not been easy, but feeling genuinely positive about the way my life is headed and you can't really beat that. Thanks.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

I only know you in a virtual sense, but you've really handled all the challenges of the last year with grace. And the pleasure you've brought to your readers is a real gift that you have. Here's to you continuing to grow and prosper!

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

That is such a lovely comment, I can't say. Although I sort of lol'd as grace is not norm a word people associate with me, but thank you, really.

And the comment about writing really means a lot, thank you,

[blu04.livejournal.com]

It's never easy hun!! i saw my ex on the way home tonight...still feels like a punch straight to the heart...but hey...his loss. I send you *hugs* and just to say i know i've not known you long but thanks for being my mate and for the laughs. Here's to many more