A Very Distinct Pain

[jooles34]

Title: A Very Distinct Pain
Fandom: Leverage
Characters: Eliot. Mentions of the team
Words: 1,198
Rating/Warnings: 15 - Descriptions of violence, injury, pain and references to torture.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Leverage.
Spoilers: None
AN: This was written for smallfandomfest prompt Eliot: A very distinct pain.  Thanks so much to luvinthe88and20 who came in at the last minute and not only beta'd but made this so much more than it was. 
AN 2: First time writing for Leverage. Am quite scared.

 

I’ve been in more hand to hand fights than I can count. Or remember. I’m well aware of the pain and injuries that fists, elbows, gouging fingers and even knees and feet can inflict on the human body.

And then there are the weapons used instead of fists. Chains, ropes, bricks, stones, pipes, bats. All things that can be used to bloody, bruise and break. And that’s not including the everyday things that can be picked up in the heat of a fight and used to hurt and defeat an opponent. I can tell you the different type of pain that each one can inflict on the human body; the sting of a friction burn, the dull ache of a body blow, the sharp crack of hurt as bone snaps or fractures.

Mustn’t forget knives. The pain of a blade slicing into your flesh is sweet and true; a pure, clean pain. Being stabbed is different. It’s a blunt pain, like a solid punch with an aftershock that feels like ice cutting through your muscle.

A gun shot is different still. The solid impact as the bullet punctures and tears the flesh; the subsequent trail of pain as the lead burns through your body.

Some pain blinds; some pain takes your breath away. Nerve endings spark and fire but you push through the pain; ignore it and keep fighting.

Although sometimes fighting isn’t an option.

Like now.

Tied to this chair, I can catalogue my injuries if I try. Each bruise and piece of skin split by knuckles; each slice of the knife; each section of flesh that has been burnt by the wires that have shot bolts of electricity through my body. All of them, if I concentrate, I can feel individually. But I don’t. I let them all blend together; one big fabric of pain that cobwebs across my body.

Combining the injuries I can focus on the whole. Concentrating on the pain makes it manageable. I can lock off the part of my brain that feels the pain and disassociate myself from it. Make it so the pain belongs to someone else not me. It’s what I’ve been trained to do.

But I don’t want this pain to belong to anyone else. I want to feel this pain, own it; want to acknowledge and experience it as it courses through my body.

Because this is a very distinct kind of pain; unlike any I’ve felt before. This pain is true and pure because it comes from a different place.

I’ve been tortured before; of course I have. And I have never broken. I’ve endured beatings, slicings, electrocution, water boarding, and them some. The worst things one human can think to inflict on another. And some things that I think are thought up by people who don’t deserve to be called human.

Throughout it all, I’ve kept the secrets that I’m meant to keep. I’ve hidden details of locations, missions, and personnel. And I’ve done it all because it’s my duty, it’s what I do. It’s what my country has trained me and paid me to do. It hasn’t even always been my country that’s paid me; sometimes it’s just been the highest bidder.

And still I’ve never revealed the knowledge in my head; the sense of duty or loyalty installed in me innately whether I like it or not.

But this…this is different. And the pain is all the more beautiful for it. And that’s why I want to feel this pain. This pain means something, it’s important. So instead of pushing it down, I embrace it. Let it invade my mind and make my body hum. This pain makes me feel alive.

A thumb presses into one of the knife wounds in my shoulder, re-opening a hole that had been starting to clot and close. There’s a sting as the skin splits further, my abused nerves further tormented.  Closing my eyes, I bite back the groan that is trying to escape.

The now familiar voice growls into my ear.

“I know you are working with them. They have my money. They have a lot of my money. Now tell me where they are and this can all stop.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I reply.

Another blow strikes my face. I can’t see it coming because he has hit the side where my eye has swollen shut, closed by bruises I’ve already sustained in this room. But I can tell he is packing a little something extra than just his fist. My cheek mashes against my teeth and the taste of blood is suddenly more acute again. My mouth fills with it and as I work my tongue around inside my mouth, a now loose tooth falls from my gum and mixes with the blood pooling behind my lips.

“You may be a hard man, but even you can’t take much more of this. And it can all stop. Just as soon as you tell me where they are and where my money is, it’s all over.”

I open my mouth and spit out blood and the broken tooth, hitting the man full in the face. I shoot the asshole a grin as he recoils back sharply.

“I told you I don’t know what you’re talking about. And you have no idea what I can take.”

A blow from behind snaps my head forward. Pain shoots through my neck from the force of it and I blink rapidly, my vision suddenly hazy. I add concussion to my list of injuries.  

“Stop hitting his head. I need him sensible enough to talk.” the voice says, still in front of me.

I lift my head and shake it slightly to clear the hair from my face; I want to look this son of a bitch in the eyes.

“I told you. I have nothing to say to you.”

I feel stronger even as I say it. A peace settles in my heart. I mean it more ferociously than I ever have before. This isn’t about protecting a government or someone with a high bank roll. For the first time I’m putting myself through this because I care about the people I’m protecting. I don’t want them to come to harm; I want to make sure they experience no pain and so I take it all myself. And that’s what makes the pain so exquisite; so distinct and different to any pain I’ve felt before, and why I want to feel every part of it. Making the pain real makes the feelings real.

Before I can be hit again I hear a commotion at the outer door which leads to the room before this one. Two loud voices I instantly recognise are arguing; with each other it sounds like. It distracts the people in the room with me and I’m left alone as they rush through the door towards the noise.

Then light suddenly pools around me; a bizarre spotlight shining down on me. I look up to see a face, halo’d in blond hair, grinning down at me through a gap in the ceiling tiles.

I smile and the pain flees from my body.

 

Comments

[luvinthe88and20.livejournal.com]

You know what I think my dear. Good job on it,

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

Thank you mate, and thanks for your help.

[kausingkayn.livejournal.com]

:-D
Dunno why you're scared, no reason to be. This was lovely!
And yes, Eliot is totally that beast.

[telaryn.livejournal.com]

This is great - in character, but a fairly unique style of storytelling for this fandom. Awesome job!

[bymagajones.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful, lyrical even. Thanks for writing it.

[emyrldlady.livejournal.com]

Well done. It's great to glimpse inside his head. He is that protective.

[rockerbaby423.livejournal.com]

Great job, I absolutely loved it!

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

Wow. I really like the distinction you've made between Eliot staying silent because he was paid to, and him staying silent because he has personal loyalty and protectiveness towards his team. And I like the "face, halo’d in blond hair" phrase at the end - it reminds me of "The Miracle Job", where Parker was mistaken for an angel.

[magnolas.livejournal.com]

Just simply beautiful.

I like the way you 'delved' into Eliot's head and looked at his reasons for doing things - and the different responses the reasons evoked.

[anntarot.livejournal.com]

this is really well done, a great read.

[thrace-adams.livejournal.com]

Nicely done :)

[belladhanna.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't have been afraid, this is wonderful. I agree with everyone. The reason for Eliot holding on to his pain for the team versus finances is beautiful. You did an excellent job.

[maldeluxx.livejournal.com]

I really liked this :D

[cougars-catnip.livejournal.com]

wow, well done. :)
CC

[meatball42.livejournal.com]

gorgeous :) awesome character piece. I can so see this happening.