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So, anyone who is unlucky enough to follow me on Twitter will probably already know that Friday was not a particularly good day for me. I found out that my DC had decided to suspend my Guide unit for one thing. Even though I was due to leave for my own reasons in July anyway, to have it suddenly stopped with no warning and no time to celebrate what we had had up until now was really hard. I've been with the unit one way or another for 27 years and the unit has been going for nearly 60. I cannot fault the DC's reasons however. Her decision was right for the issues we are having at the moment and I don't blame her at all. I also know that she didn't make the decision lightly and she was also upset by it.
This would have been emotional enough as it was, but I found it out late Friday afternoon just after the big shit had happened.
The big shit is this:
Last summer I had my job reviewed and re-graded and I went up a band with an attached pay rise. As well as making me feel more valued that my actual job role was properly recognised, the money really helped. I was able to have a bit of a social life and, by still being as lean as I could, I even managed to make pretty good headway into paying off some of my debts.
However, on Friday I found out that there had been a cock up and they have been over paying me since then. My pay is dropping effective immediately, to a level I will barely be able to survive on, even with the money that comes from my lodger. After my bills are taken care off I will have just enough left to run my car, pay for travel to work, and food. But it looks like my social life is up the swanny again.
On top of this, HR told me that they will have to reclaim the money they have been overpaying me since the summer. So, essentially, I have barely enough to live on and they are going to be taking more from me. My manger wasn't in on Friday and the nice HR lady said the three of us would have a meeting on Tuesday about it and not to worry about it over the long weekend.
Not. To. Worry. Yeah, right. My instant reaction was blind panic to be honest, and I cried. A lot. Just when I thought I was finally starting to get financially on my feet I've just been kicked in the face and sent straight back again. In that instant reaction to things kinda way, everything just felt completely hopeless and I was devastated. I've tried holding on for a long time now, barely getting by, but it looks like my only option now is to sell my flat. It turned out it was a good job that my boss was out as I was able to hide in her office for an hour and cry.
That was when I tweeted what had happened, and I have to say I was genuinely floored by people's responses. I tweeted to vent, but the sheer number of tweets that I got back and people's words of friendship and encouragement were just amazing, so thank you.
Anyway, I've now had some time to digest and think, and here, if you're interested are my thoughts.
1. Paying back the money. Fuck off if you think you are getting your hands on my money. You paid it to me, your mistake, your loss. I will google until my fingers bleed, I will go to the CAB, I will do whatever it takes, but I will fight you. I may play nicely most of the time, I am still a Croydon girl raised by a Glaswegian. Fucking bring it.
2. Selling my flat. Well here's a thing. I decided a long time ago that I was going to sell my flat and move away, right out of the area, overseas if I could. I may like my job, but it holds no chance of progression so I will have to look for a new one soon anyway. I love my flat and where I live, but I want to see so much more. I have no partner, no kids, my parents are at an age where they are still healthy and able to look after themselves, so this is the perfect time.
Then I got my great flatmate and things were so nice at home that I have let the whole thing slide. I still want to do it, but it's big and scary, and I got comfortable again.
And then this happened.
I am not going to use this as a discussion on my beliefs (hey, maybe we can do that another time if you really want to know), but I will say that I don't believe in a vindictive God, and even if I did I am pretty certain that I haven't done anything so bad to have been screwed over this much in just a couple of years. So I think this is the shove up the arse that I needed. This is the universe saying "Look, we beat the crap out of you once to get you to move and you got comfortable again and didn't. So we're going to force your hand; you have no choice but to sell now so fucking do it."
So, I guess I will then. I have faith that there must be something pretty good for me out there that I am missing for the universe to be trying this hard to make me grab it. I'm sure a lot of people will think this is over-optimistic tosh, but I just cannot believe that life can be this consistently bad to me without good reason. Look at what happened with the whole ex and exBF thing. All the amazing things I have done and extraordinary friends I have made in the last year would never have happened if I had still been with her. It hurt like hell but my life is so much better without her. So I have to believe that this is for a reason too. I guess for my own sanity as much as anything. My mental health has been good this past few months and I don't want to lose that.
So, that's the plan I guess. Fight to keep what has already been given to me on one hand, while selling up and moving on and finding out what the world has in store for me. It's going to be a long and bumpy ride I am sure. The next few months are going to be tough as hell and it's going to be all too easy to lose faith at times, but as long as I keep my faith in me, I reckon I'll be alright.
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Date: 2011-05-29 05:17 pm (UTC)I'm so sorry! You'll make it through -- you're an extremely strong person.
Fight them for trying to take that money away from you -- you're right, that's their mistake, not yours. You shouldn't have to pay for their fuck-up.
It'll be ok.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 05:24 pm (UTC)Something doesn't seem right about this whole situation.
My expertise is more in the area of US labor law, but let me know if I can be of any help, or if you need someone to vent to, you are welcome to PM me.
I'm so sorry. Sometimes life sucks.
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Date: 2011-05-29 05:53 pm (UTC)stupid admin wanker tosspots
Stand your ground girl, we're behind you!
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 06:06 pm (UTC)I don't have any useful advice I'm afraid. Just..
*hug*
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Date: 2011-05-29 06:18 pm (UTC)And yes, sometimes things happen for a reason even if that reason isn't clear at 1st.
Hope everything works out OK for you *hugs*
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Date: 2011-05-29 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 07:24 pm (UTC)Sorry, that truly stinks.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 07:26 pm (UTC)They really can't be allowed to get away with treating yo like this.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 08:12 pm (UTC)Good for you for taking this horrible situation and turning it into an opportunity to reevaluate what you want to do with your life. Maybe the universe is telling you that this job isn't where you are meant to be. Some people might see 'over-optimistic tosh', others might see it as a positive, go-getting attitude.
See what the CAB says. It's your employer's mistake, so you shouldn't have to suffer for it. Even if you end up having to pay it back, insist you can't afford more than a fiver a month *stands behind you waving pitchfork*
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 08:14 pm (UTC)And yeah, sometimes thing happen for a reason, and it often is a strange stream of seemingly random things that connect and make something amazing happen, so you never know ;)
Anyway, you know where I am if you ever want to rant ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 08:49 pm (UTC)You know, you might just be right, this might be the push you've been needing to move on with some things.
*sending good thoughts & prayers your way that it will all work out for the best*
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 09:04 pm (UTC)And I agree with you, I think the universe could well be giving you a kick up the arse (as it were), it does tend to operate on the paths of least resistance (which is why witches are told NEVER to do spells asking for generic money, so many caveats that you have to put in).
Somebody somewhere wants you to be somewhere else, and I think it's the start of another amazing adventure for you. If you are taken abroad, I will miss you terribly, but the internet makes the world smaller, and I have Skype!
Go, go and be AMAZING!
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 09:47 pm (UTC)I can't help but admire your attitude now that you've got over the shock. I think you're right, stuff happens for a reason, and I'm positive it will all fall into place.
Remember we're rooting for you *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2011-05-29 10:24 pm (UTC)That's just horrible, you definitely need to get as many second opinions as possible on the whole 'paying it back' thing, because that is just shit for them to demand it back after it was their fuckup.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-30 02:10 pm (UTC)Gods. Talk about a kicking.
Perving, whisky and a comfy-ish couch are calling.